SayWhyDoI.com » Weddings

Tying the knot: Why do we say we tie the knot when we get married?

Lior — Sat, 17 Sep 2011 00:23:54 +0000

You hear your cousin gush about finally going to “tie the knot” with her boyfriend, and as you hear this, you automatically substitute “tie the knot” with “getting married” in your head. But if you pause for a minute, you think to yourself, it’s quite an interesting thing to say. Why would tying a knot have anything to do with getting married?

There are several theories as to the tying the knot origin, but perhaps the most likely theory is that the phrase originates from the ancient wedding tradition of binding the hands together in the ceremony of “handfasting”.

It is unclear when the tradition of handfasting began. Some say it dates back to Ancient Greece or Rome but it was particularly prevalent in the Celtic tradition practised in Ireland and Scotland in Medieval times. Handfasting was even included in the movie Braveheart, a movie set in the 13th century, which is precisely around the time when the term “tying the knot” was first seen in textual records, specifically in the 1225 text, The Legend of St. Katherine.

Traditionally there were two handfasting ceremonies done to celebrate a couple getting together. The first handfasting ceremony was done to signify betrothal and a second handfasting was done traditionally “a year and a day” later, only if the couple had gotten on throughout the engagement, and it was this second handfasting that marked the official marriage.

Handfasting, not too unlike the premise behind a handshake, involves “giving a pledge by joining hands” where the deal in this case is of course to get married and everything that entails. This joining of the hands as part of the ceremony may also be responsible for the phrase “taking your hand in marriage”.

Following the joining of the hands, a ribbon or several ribbons would be used to fasten the hands together, and the ribbons would be tied with a knot. The tying of the hands together is symbolic of the couple coming together as one in a lasting, strong, unbreakable bond. In some practices both the hands of the soon-to-be husband and wife are tied together in a figure eight that denotes the sign for infinity.

Some Eastern Orthodox Christians, New Age people, and Pagans still carry out handfasting today.

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Why marry? Why should I get married?

Lior — Fri, 16 Sep 2011 13:19:08 +0000

In our facebook generation, when you reach your mid-20s and thereafter you start noticing that your facebook feed becomes inundated with wedding photos and status changes. Getting married in your mid-20s isn’t something new. Back in Ancient Greece, men were often close to 30 when they married their younger wives, and between the 13^th and 16^th centuries the age of 25 was the average age of marriage.

For centuries getting married has been a socially accepted thing for a man and woman to do if they are to have exclusive sexual relationships and bring children into the world together. Of course even then these were not the only reasons to get married, and often political, financial and social reasons would enter the equation too. But what about today? Have reasons to marry changed over time? In our day and age why do people get married?

Reasons to get married

Here follow 10 top reasons for why people get married:

1.) Marriage officially allows exclusive sexual access to one another

One of the most ancient reasons for marriage was to allow sexual access between a man and a woman. Sexual exclusivity was so important in ancient cultures that ensuring the virginity of a woman before her marriage was deemed as very important. This was why men would often marry girls as young as 12.

Why was sexual exclusivity so important? There are many reasons but perhaps the most basic is that like many animals, human beings are biologically programmed to reproduce in order to carry their genes to the next generation. Sexual exclusivity would ensure that your genes are carried on in favor of your competitors’ genes.
A closely linked reason for sexual exclusivity includes an assurance that any offspring made by your wife is certain to be yours, so that if you work hard to provide for that offpring, it is for your genetic benefits and not anyone else’s. From the female’s point of view, marriage helps hold the promise that the man will provide for her offspring too. It’s a promise of stability for the child’s upbringing which would have been important for its best chances of survival in early times.

Today exclusive sexual access is important for people psychologically in order to feel that they alone meet all of their partner’s sexual needs. It is also an assurance of your exclusive love for one another. Sexual exclusivity says: “You’re the only one in the world who has that privilege because I love you more than anyone else.”

Another factor that makes sexual exclusivity important today is to prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Monogamy with an STD-free partner gives the peace of mind that you’re having safe sex.

Of course you can be sexually exclusive without marriage, so provided you have trust, this alone is not really enough of a reason to get married.

2.) Marriage as a promise to be together

We’re all individuals, alone in the world. And this can sometimes feel lonely, giving us an uncomfortable sense of existential isolation. We will always be individuals, but we can be alone together. Marriage is a promise of growing old together, which pacifies the fears of aloneness in the world.

You don’t need marriage to promise you’ll grow old together. You can do this without signing any contract. But the contract is like a tangible promise to remind you that you aren’t alone which can be comforting for some.

The trouble with seeing marriage as a promise of togetherness with the aim of never feeling lonely is that having a partner doesn’t take away the inner feeling of existential isolation and you can still feel lonely even in a marriage.

3.) Marriage as “that thing we’re just expected to do when we’re together for a while”

In our society we often grow up to believe that marriage is just what’s done when you’re together for a number of years. This unthinking conformity to public expectations is the reason behind many marriages.

4.) Marriage as the milestone into adulthood

In ancient times marriage was seen as the milestone that is crossed when you become an adult. It was just the done thing. For girls from some traditional homes, they move directly from their childhood home to their husband’s home where overnight they were transformed from virginal child to wife. In some cultures this still applies today.

In traditional families where a girl isn’t happy at home, agreeing to marriage can be seen as her way to escape from an unhappy family home.

5.) Marriage is an exchange between a man and a woman: He gets a housekeeper, she gets social acceptance and security

Before women’s rights and feminism arose, in the days when male chauvinism was widely acceptable, the traditional view of marriage was often not a very romantic one. Society expected women to get married and serve their husbands’ every wish, and it was frowned upon if they did not. To this day this is still the case in some cultural groups. Sometimes as part of the exchange a woman received a boost in social status by marrying into a good or wealthy family. Political marriages carried out only to further status were not uncommon. As part of the marriage bargain she was given financial security and protection by her husband. This ancient idea of a marriage agreement brought on the concept of arranged marriages made at birth, and these types of arrangements were prevalent in the Middle Ages, and up until more recent times. In parts of India it wasn’t until 1929 that child marriage was made illegal.

For a man, a good motivator to get married if he belongs to a cultural group that still supports ancient chauvinistic beliefs is that he gains a lover, a servant and a mother to his children. A man was believed to be superior to a woman and allowed to have control over her. It all served to boost a man’s sense of power and strengthen his ego.

In many cases where this exchange is carried out, the women are happy to do their husbands’ biddings because they don’t question their situation. They happily accept their society-designated role.

For most Western people this old fashioned perspective of marriage no longer is applicable and is therefore not a reason to get married. In fact, in many Christian marriage ceremonies today the word “obey” has been taken out of the marriage vows.

6.) Marriage is a public declaration of love

Getting married is a way to tell the world you love one another and want to make a formal commitment to be together for life.

Why would you need to tell the world?

Self-expression of joy and love: It may be a sincere need for self-expression of your feelings in a way you can’t otherwise express in quite the same way. It could be a desire to express your feelings to your partner in a stronger way than just words. How you want to release your emotions is a very personal thing and doing it with an action like marriage resonates with some people more than others.
To hold you more accountable for staying together: When you officialize a relationship by getting married, there is a contract there to hold you together. Not only that, but you’ve announced to the world how serious your intentions are to stay together, which can make it feel more socially embarrassing to backtrack than if the relationship was less serious. It puts more pressure on the couple to make it work. All this can be a way to encourage couples to see through more difficult times, whereas if there was no public declaration of love, for some people the commitment to one another may be easier to give up when a rough patch comes along.
Having said that, everyone is different and many people feel that they don’t need an official contract or a public declaration to keep them together. They believe their love is stronger than any piece of paper.
To gain social approval: In some communities, getting married is seen as the “right thing to do” at a certain age. Even more so, it is considered essential if you want to have children for many traditionalists. There is social pressure to tie the knot and people from these communities are more likely to want to publicly declare their marriage to gain that social approval and respect.
To make parents and families happy: For many old school parents, they equate marriage with the success of their child. If a child finds someone who wants to marry them, then their child must be loveable and wonderfully brought up. This is a compliment to the family and their genes. Marriage also brings with it an unspoken promise of imminent grandchildren to carry on the family line. Whilst you can still be wonderfully brought up, loveable and child-bearing without marrying, for traditionalist families, marriage is the ultimate confirmation of these things, and people may marry to satisfy their parents expectations to fulfil this confirmation.
To gain approval from loved ones about your relationship: When people come to your wedding to celebrate your union with another person, it’s a sign that the they accept and are supportive of your relationship. Marriage therefore serves to validate relationships in some cases.
The fight of the gay community for marriage rights is largely driven by the desire for public acceptance of gay relationships. For some people, having a wedding with all their loved ones turning up can be particularly meaningful, especially if some of their loved ones didn’t find it easy coming to terms with their sexuality in the past.
However, loved ones can also show their support of a union without there being a wedding.
Publicly officializing a relationship deters others from flirting with you: A wedding ring is a strong deterrent for singletons who are looking for love. You could wear a ring without being married, but the status of being married itself loudly says: “permanently unavailable” in a way that (for some) is stronger than just being in a relationship. Marriage feels like a stronger commitment to some, although this is subjective.

7.) Marriage as a religious “must”

In many religions, marriage is a requirement in the scriptures before any sexual relations can go forward. For religious folk, getting married declares your union before God, almost giving your relationship the religious sign of approval.

8.) Marriage as the ultimate “level” of love

Some people like progressing to the highest level in everything they do. For some, marriage is perceived as the highest level in love. But does this mean your love is stronger when you marry than it was before? It’s likely that your love remains equally strong before and directly after marriage, and that this idea of marriage being a new level is simply a mental perception; a label. But for certain people this label is important, particularly for go-getters.

Whilst feelings and love usually may remain consistent before and directly after marriage, further down the line it is possible that time changes the intensity of the feelings. Feelings are dynamic over time.

9.) Marry to conform to society’s norms to make your children’s lives easier

Some people marry with the foresight that children will be baffled why their parents never married. Even more importantly, children may be teased for unusual family situations. This point may be quickly becoming a moot one with the prevalence of single parent homes, divorces and same-sex parents.

10.) Legal benefits and benefit-linked reasons for marriage

The slightly less romantic reasons for marriage include considerations for practical advantages to tying the knot. Advantages vary depending on your country’s policies, but some of the possible benefits include:

Health insurance to cover your partner: Healthcare and medical coverage can be expensive but employers often have health insurance to cover their employee and their married partner which makes marriage financially beneficial.
Tax advantages: When you are a married couple you can get income tax deductions over and above what you’d receive as an unmarried person. You can also juggle taxes around to your advantage. For example one person can claim the other’s deductions.
Immigration rights: Getting married to a citizen of another country can grant immigration rights to a person who wouldn’t have received these rights otherwise.
Assistance to married military servicemen: Army married couples may be entitled to government assistance with several basics from housing and beyond.
Larger government benefits to married disabled veterans and federal employees than to single ones.
Inheritance benefits such as the right to a late spouse’s benefits including pensions and medical care in some cases.
Access to “family only” services and deals including better prices in joining various clubs and organizations.
Easier processing for adoption and foster care applications

Tongue-in-cheek reasons for getting married

Getting married is a great excuse for a party.
If you’re the bride you get to wear an awesome dress!
The gifts! Not to mention getting to wear a beautiful sparkling engagement ring and shiny wedding band.

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Why do people go on Honeymoons? History and Origin of the Honeymoon

Lior — Fri, 04 Feb 2011 17:44:56 +0000

After the wedding bells have rung, the cake has been eaten, and the celebratory rice has been swept up, tradition dictates that it’s honeymoon time for the happy couple. But why do people go on honeymoons? What is the origin of the honeymoon tradition? And why is it called a “honeymoon”?

Why do People go On Honeymoons?

The modern reasons for going on a honeymoon may differ slightly from earlier in history and the meaning of honeymoon back then. However, there are also enough similarities to enable us to fit both old and new meanings of the honeymoon onto one list.

1.) To Celebrate Your Marriage

Many people today see honeymoons as the grand finale to the wedding celebrations. It is so ingrained in many Western cultures that the honeymoon is almost as much a part of the wedding as wearing a white dress and exchanging rings.

Considering the amount of thought, effort and eleborate preparation that go into wedding planning these days, sometimes the honeymoon is a much needed holiday from all the stress of the lead-up to the big day!

2.) To Enable Togetherness

Having time away from the distractions and interruptions of everyday life enables newly weds to connect and enjoy each others’ company, and therefore to start married life together on the best possible note. Their seclusion together sets up the optimal conditions for intimacy and romance.

Depending on personal preference, it may be an opportunity to luxuriously rest and relax together, to explore the world together or seek out adventure together. No matter what a couple’s personal preference is, “togetherness” is the underlying theme of the honeymoon, and hopefully it will be a sweet togetherness.

Some say that the origin of the term honeymoon reflects the fact that for the first “moon” (i.e. lunar cycle, i.e. month) of married life, everything feels as sweet as honey, tender, pleasurable and love-filled.

Where does this term come from? Aside from John Heywood who used the phrase “hony moone” for the first time in 1546 (in the text A Dialogue Conteinyng The Nomber In Effect Of All The Prouerbes In The Englishe Tongue), Richard Huloet was the first to give us any form of information about honeymoons in the 1552 text Abcedarium Anglico-Latinum. This text holds a slightly cynical note, saying that marriage is like a honeymoon, which may be sweet for the initial month, but just as the moon waxes and wanes, so too does the sweetness of married life. Because these are the earliest textual references we have for the concept of a honeymoon, it is likely to have been derived from England, and later spread around the world. The term arose in other languages far later. For example it was first seen in French (lune de miel ) in Voltaire’s play Zadig in 1747. Many languages call this post-marriage time the honeymoon:

English: Honeymoon
French: lune de miel
Spanish: luna de miel
Portuguese: lua de mel
Italian: luna di miele
Welsh: mis mêl (honey month)
Polish: miesiąc miodowy
Russian: Медовый месяц
Arabic: shahr el ‘assal
Greek: μήνας του μέλιτος
Hebrew: yerach d’vash
Persian: ماه عسل mah e asal
Turkish: balayı
Hungarian: mézeshetek (honey weeks)

3.) It says so in the Bible!

In Deuteronomy 24:5 it is written that “When a man is newly wed, he need not go out on a military expedition, nor shall any public duty be imposed on him. He shall be exempt for one year for the sake of her family, to bring joy to the wife he has married.”

The honeymoon tradition usually doesn’t last a full year. The term honeymoon suggests it would have lasted one lunar month. Nevertheless, the honeymoon tradition may partly be inspired by, or at the very least is least supported by this Biblical passage.

4.) In Cases of Arranged Marriages it Enables Time to Get to Know One Another

Arranged marriages or marriages by capture were once far more common than they are today. Spending time together after getting married was ideal for finding out more about your partner, and it provided an opportunity to acclimate to life together.

Today, arranged marriages are still carried out by some cultures, and for them, the honeymoon experience still serves this purpose of getting to know one another in a relaxed environment away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life, hopefully in a beautiful and romantic setting to better-enable love to blossom.

5.) To Visit Family Abroad Who Couldn’t Come to the Wedding

In the past people didn’t travel very far for their honeymoon. Because travelling was so expensive, it was mostly for the very wealthy. Those who were well-off enough to travel often took the opportunity of their honeymoon to visit those relatives who were unable to come to the wedding.

Around the 1820′s it became more common to travel on your honeymoon; So much so that the French began calling this British-derived habit of travelling after the wedding “voyage a la facon anglaise “, i.e. the English-style voyage. It is thought that the British were inspired to use the post-wedding time to travel by a concept borrowed from the Indian elite in the Indian Subcontinent.

6.) It’s the ideal time to try for a baby!

Thinking of the month after the wedding as “baby-making time” comes from two of the slightly more questionable theories behind the origins of the term “honeymoon”.

Questionable Theory 1:

Some suggest that the term honeymoon is based on an ancient practice of drinking a fermented honey liquor, similar to mead or metheglin, every day for a month after the wedding, to increase fertility. Not only was honey thought to increase fertility, but some believed honey had aphrodisiac properties AND increased the chances of obtaining a male heir.*

Some say this tradition arose in the ancient Teutons and the Babylonians, and others say it arose in Northern Europe.

Whilst this makes a good story for the origin of the term honeymoon, the fact that the first textual reference for this term comes from the 1500s casts doubt on whether the origins of this tradition could really be more ancient than this. Having said that, honey has been believed to boost fertility throughout history, possibly dating back to Ancient Greece or even earlier, so although many etymologists cast this theory aside as folk etymology, part of me still thinks that perhaps this theory may still be a contender for where the term honeymoon originates.

*(Incidentally, if you’re wondering if honey really has these great properties of boosting fertility, I sadly couldn’t find any evidence in my research that honey would boost fertility, other than the fact that it gives an energy boost from the quick-release sugar which may be relevant to temporarily increasing drive in this department. As a nutitionist, I wouldn’t recommend this though because quick-release sugars aren’t great for health in general.)

Questionable Theory 2:

I have mentioned that marriages of capture were once more prevalent than they are today. Some folk etymology, such as that written in Charles’ Pantati’s book “The Extraordinary Origins of Popular Things“, suggests that the term honeymoon arose from the Norse word “hjunottsmanathr”, which means “in hiding” and describes the time after the abduction and capture of a new bride. In the month following her abduction, her new husband would take her into hiding and try to get her pregnant within the first month, to seal the marriage and make it irreversible, so that she would be his and therefore be unreclaimable by anyone else. Other sources suggest that getting pregnant wasn’t necessarily the prime intention of this time, but that the abductor simply stayed in hiding until the bride’s family ceased their search for her, and the anger directed at him and thus the danger for his life, waned.

Many etymologists cast doubt on the validity of this theory, mostly because of the mismatch of time between the first textual record of the word honeymoon in 1546, and the suggested time when Hjunttomanathr would have been practised, centuries earlier. But it does make a good tale!

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Why do we have the engagement and wedding ring custom?

Lior — Tue, 04 Jan 2011 00:12:32 +0000

We’ve all seen it hundreds of times in movies: The handsome hero hunkers down on bended knee, smiles at his beloved adoringly through sparkling eyes, and whips out a twinkling engagement ring. Engagement rings are offered as a promise of marriage. But where did this tradition of giving rings in engagements and weddings start?

The origin of the wedding ring custom began in Ancient Egypt
Some suggest that since Neanderthal times gifts were exchanged as tokens of a special relationship. However the origin of an actual ring being given as a token of love appears to date back to Ancient Egypt, about 5000 years ago. We know this through archaeological evidence which found hieroglyphics depicting wedding bands.

The Egyptian grooms would take plant stems from reeds and rushes, and they’d twist and plait them into rings and bracelets which would then be presented to their brides.

It is believed the Egyptians considered the circular shape a symbol of ever-lasting love and good omens, as it is also the shape of the holy Sun and the Moon.

The hole in the centre of the ring was symbolic of the unknown things to come in their new life as a married couple.

Like many of us today, the Egyptians wore their wedding ring on the 4th finger of the left hand. The origin of this custom is from the belief that there was a vein running from this ring finger, all the way to the heart. So by wearing a ring on this finger you are saying that the person who gave you that ring has a direct link to your heart.

The wedding ring tradition was passed down through the Ancient Greeks and Romans

Many years later, the Ancient Greeks adopted this wedding ring custom and belief as their own, when they conquered Egypt in 332 BC. Fast-forward a few more years and this tradition was passed on to the Romans, who added a name to this special heart-linked vein, calling it the “vena amoris”: the vein of love.

Over time, wedding rings evolved and were no longer made of plant stems, but of more durable leather, ivory, bone and once the art of metalwork became more refined, they began to be made of metal, although the first metal rings were quite uneven and uncomfortable to wear! In Roman times, most rings were made of iron.

Over time, the symbol of the ring also evolved. For many, the ring somewhat lost some of it’s romantic significance, as marriage became more of a contract for security than an exchange of love. The ring became the mark of a legal agreement, marking a contract between families rather than between lovers, where the ring was the binding force. The ring became an indication of financial security that the husband could offer his new wife.

At this time only women would wear engagement and wedding rings. In fact, in the early 1900s, reports show that only about 15% of grooms wore a wedding ring. Men only started wearing wedding rings in comparatively modern times, around the time of World War II, and later the Korean War, when men wanted a physical reminder of their wives to bring them cheer and hope as they fought far from home.

Back in Roman times, so much did the ring become a sign of offering financial security, that there was even a phase when it was fashionable for women to be given rings with keys attached to them, where the key was her access to her husband’s safety deposit box of valuables.

The wedding ring tradition passed down to Medieval Times
In line with this view of marriage as a necessary means to give a woman financial security, in Medieval Europe, the more expensive the metal for the ring, the “better” the man’s marriage proposal was seen to be.

Once gold metalwork began, it soon became the material of choice for wedding rings. And if a man could afford gemstones on the ring as well – all the better! Sometimes further gifts of leather pouches full of gold and silver were given to the bride as part of the marriage ceremony following the ring exchange.

Romance was not dead however, as ruby gemstones in the ring not only showed the wealth of the husband, but also symbolized the colour of love. Similarly, diamonds became the symbol of indestructible and long-lasting love, as of 1477 when the first documented diamond ring was given by the Viennese Archduke Maximilian to his beloved Mary of Burgundy. Diamond rings only really became popular around the 1930s.

The Christianization of the wedding ring tradition
Although there are no Christian biblical references decreeing the ring as part of the wedding ceremony, there are some references to rings being given as tokens of fidelity (Genesis 24:22.30.53; and 41:42) and symbols of adoption (Esth 8:2,8; Luke 15:22). Considering this together with considerations of the public popularity of the marriage ring custom, in the 12th century, Pope Innocent III officially accepted the ring exchange into the Christian wedding ceremony. He created the tradition of placing the ring on the index finger, middle finger and finally ring finger, representing the Holy Trinity, as they recited: “In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost”.

The precise lines recited in the Christian ceremony alluding to the ring vary depending on the Christian sect:

Church of England: “With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow: In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.”
Roman Catholic: “Take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost.”
Anglican, Episcopal, Protestant: “I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow [or love], and with all that I am and all that I have, I honour you, in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.
Presbyterian: “This ring I give you, in token and pledge of our constant faith and abiding love”

(So next time you hear the ring exchange at a wedding, you’ll be able to tell what type of Christianity the married couple are, by the words used in the ring exchange!)

Not all Christians adopted the ring-giving tradition. Some Christian groups shun the idea of jewellery altogether, believing it to be wasteful and immoral, and believing it promotes the negative idea that beauty is on the outside rather than on the inside. (This is based on 1 Timothy 2:9-10 and 1 Peter 3:3-4). As a result, in 19th century America, a tradition of giving a thimble as an engagement gift arose, rather than a ring. In spite of this – slightly rebellious brides may have removed the top of the thimble to make it into a secret ring!

So what does the engagement and wedding ring tradition symbolize today?

1.) The Circle as a sign of eternal, never-ending love
The original Egyptian symbolism of the ring remains: It’s circular shape being the mark of eternal love. An unbroken promise of commitment and love.

2.) Chinese Symbolism
There is a really beautiful ancient Chinese symbolism related to wearing the wedding ring on the ring finger.

It’s easiest to explain the significance of the ring finger through a little demonstration:

Put your hands together, palm to palm.
Keeping all you finger tips touching, unlink your middle finger, and place it touching finger-joint-to-finger-joint as shown in the diagram below.
Now try and unlink each finger, one by one. See how the thumb unlinks easily? Put it back and try and unlink the index fingers – easy to unlink again. Now try unlinking your little finger – no problem there. But lastly, try to unlink your ring fingers. You can’t!

Chinese tradition associates your thumb with your parents, your index finger with your siblings, your middle finger with yourself, your ring finger with your life partner and soul mate, and your little finger with your children. The symbolism is that you can separate from parents as you fly the nest; you separate from siblings as you grow older, move out of the family home, and each sibling has their own family; you separate from your children when they grow up. But your soul mate and life partner is someone we don’t separate from. Like the ring fingers in this demonstration, soul mates stay linked together strongly throughout life. This is why the ring is worn on this finger according to Chinese custom.

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Why do Grooms Wear a Pocket Square at Weddings?

Lior — Tue, 21 Dec 2010 20:56:14 +0000

In other words, why do grooms wear a wedding hanky in their breast pocket?
The handkerchief in the suit pocket (aka a “pocket square”) of the groom at weddings is thought to be worn for 2 main reasons:

1.) Tradition of ladies giving their handkerchief to their beaus

People have been carrying handkerchiefs around since Roman times for practical purposes such as wiping the hands or nose, or protecting against bad smells and infectious particles in the air. We know this because it’s mentioned in Roman poems written in the 1st century BC by Gaius Catullus. Rather unromantic! So how did it come to be worn by upper society folk and grooms?

Later on in history, the handkerchiefs took on a far more romantic purpose: When a lady saw a man or a knight who took her fancy, she’d show her feelings of affection in a subtle, dignified way, by presenting him with their perfume-laced handkerchief, or with her couverchef, a hanky-like head covering. If the feelings were returned, the man wore the handkerchief proudly in his suit pocket for all to see. So handkerchiefs became a key flirting tool!

A whole language of love evolved, involving the handkerchief as a way of silently speaking your romantic intentions even when carefully chaperoned. For example if a lady drew a handkerchief across her cheek it meant “I love you”.

By wearing the handkerchief in his suit pocket, it’s as if the groom is saying that he is carrying his bride’s love interest, and is returning it proudly.

2.) To catch the bride’s tears
Some say that handkerchiefs are worn in suits at weddings to offer to catch the tears of the emotional bride, and whoever else might be getting a bit teary eyed in the vicinity!

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