First of all it’s important to learn to distinguish between in-control and out-of-control anger:

Anger is a natural emotion that every human being experiences occasionally. It’s ok to feel angry.

It’s not ok however if your anger is destructive and out of control.

If we find ourselves constantly getting angry at almost everything, or if we find ourselves flying into blind rages that seem disproportionately large considering the trigger, then this is a red flag that our anger is out of control.

Why do I get angry?

There are as many causes to feeling angry as there are people in the world.

Here are some of the commonest ones:

1.) We are far more prone to outbursts if another negative emotion is suppressed for a while

We are more prone to anger when we don’t notice our own emotions, or when we deny them, and as a result they become suppressed.

Problems arise when we don’t even know how we feel and then repress anger, allowing a molehill to turn into a great big mountain of accumulated angry feelings.

Feelings like anger are indicators that something in your life is awry and needs to be changed so you can improve the quality of your life. So in a way, anger may be seen as a blessing in disguise, because, like a warning light flashing red in the car when something is wrong with it, flashes of anger bring you to awareness that something is wrong. Anger is like a flashing billboard that advertises you are being hurt or that your needs are not being met in some way.

Anger, like all emotions is energy and this energy has to go somewhere. If it is not dealt with in a healthy manner, it will manifest in a variety of negative ways and may eventually somatize and go into our body as some form of illness or dis-ease. When anger is expressed in our bodies it can be expressed in many different ways from headaches, to high blood pressure, to ulcers and inflamed guts, and to everything in between.

From a spiritual perspective, anger needs some outlet. If it is not expressed outwardly but is instead suppressed or denied, it must express in another way, so it is expressed in our bodies. Anger is energy, and as the first law of thermodynamics states: Energy can never be created or destroyed; it only changes form. That energy has to get out somehow! Suppressing anger therefore is a no-no.

What kind of suppressed emotions are most likely to cause anger?

a.) Anger from suppressed Frustration
Anger is what arises naturally when there is something in our lives that we do not like, and are frustrated because it’s there and we don’t know how to deal with it.

Examples may be when:

• someone did something to frustrate you,
• someone said something to frustrate you,
• something you hoped would happen didn’t happen
• you feel frustrated about not having had a good upbringing, and not having had the best chances in life
• you feel frustrated about being stuck in a job you don’t like
• you feel frustrated about being unable to attract love into your life
• you feel frustrated at yourself for not being good enough at something. When anger is directed at our selves, the consequence will often be feelings like guilt and depression. Internally-held anger is like a distorted mirror at a funfair – when you look through its eyes, you don’t see the real “you” or how life truly is. Anger distorts our view of reality and causes us to miss out on living a happy life.
• The list goes on…

Repressed anger happens when little things that frustrate us and rile us build up over time, often without our realising what’s happening, until we reach our breaking point and get really angry. This is when anger can turn into blind rage and this is when we have a sudden, disproportionate outburst of anger and emotion. At this point, anger controls us and we lose our control over ourselves.

b.) Anger from suppressed Disappointment

If our expectations are not met, we can feel a wide range of emotions and anger can be one of them.

Many a time we get angry if our expectations are not met. People arrange to do things with us or for us, and they let us down. They say they’ll meet us at a certain time, but they arrive late, or even worse, they don’t show up at all. The little red monster inside you starts stirring. Then someone else does something that lets you down again, and the little angry monster grows bigger.

Anger is a messenger, communicating to us that we have been hurt and have not yet dealt with this hurt. In the wise words of Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, “Hurt is present pain, while anger is often lingering pain.”

What are you doing with all these feelings? Do you tell others that they’ve disappointed you? Or do you keep quiet, seething and eating yourself up with what’s happening to you? Or perhaps you joke about the let down, but underneath still feel angry and unable to let go of your feelings.

When someone stands us up or cancels on us at the last minute, we feel rejected, forgotten and we feel inadequate in many ways. Many of the limiting beliefs and worst fears that we’ve been holding onto about ourselves have been confirmed by such disappointments, and the resulting feeling that these fears may be true can be expressed as anger.

Before a disappointment occurs, if you hold on to limiting beliefs and fears about yourself, according to The Law of Attraction you are increasing your chances of attracting disappointment to you. If this is what you believe, this is what you’ll keep getting until you change your thoughts. The Universe helps us by bringing situations into our lives as opportunities to help us grow and learn. We meet repeating themes of challenges until we learn how to handle these situations. According to spiritual thought, every challenge we overcome pushes our souls closer to the ultimate goal of being totally enlightened and filled with love. Most of us are on this path, making our way in the best way we can. If anger is an issue for you, your present challenge is how to overcome anger and its triggers.

c.) Anger from suppressed fear

Common to almost all angry feelings lurks an underlying fear of something.

It might be:

• Fear of being disliked (which in itself may have many roots. For example for some people it may come from an insecurity about your parents’ love, or from experiences of bullying and exclusion in the past).
• Fear of not being good enough (which may be for example because you were not an A-student at school)
• Fear that you are not attractive enough (where clues could be if you can’t bear to be outside without make-up or without having your hair just so!)
• Fear of the full force of your anger and what you might do if it is unleashed.
• The list goes on…

In holding such fear and negativity about ourselves, how on earth can we feel positive? The Law of Attraction states that you will attract to yourself the experiences of which you think. If you are vibrating on the level of all these fears and destructive thoughts, these are the experiences you will inevitably bring into your life. If you feel undeserving of love and positive experiences, the Universe unfortunately affirms these experiences because your energy is vibrating on what you don’t have rather than on what you truly want. This is why our worst fears are sometimes realised. It is because we have been concentrating all our energies on lack rather than on the good we really want.

Aside from anger being a symptom of suppressed emotions, it may also be due to other reasons:

2.) We hold on to anger because it makes us feel alive

People with suppressed emotions may revel in feeling *anything* – so when anger rears its head, there is a part of them that is glad to feel anger because it makes them feel alive. If this is what you are doing, becoming aware of this is a necessary first step to helping yourself move forward to something more nurturing and positive.

3.) We hold onto anger because it makes us feel powerful

Anger is a very strong emotion and when we feel of little value or low in self-respect and confidence, anger can make us feel more powerful, but it does so in a negative and destructive way. This is what happens with bullies. Because of the power of the emotion of anger, people are duped into temporarily feeling “powerful.” Once again, if this is what you do, becoming conscious of this is of utmost importance so you can begin to feel powerful in more positive and healthy ways.

4.) We feel strong anger if our base chakra is our of balance
For people who are more spiritually minded, they might consider the ancient Indian Vedic scriptures which suggest that excessive anger may be caused by an imbalanced base (or root) chakra.

Anger management

Here are some anger management techniques to help you deal with anger:

1.) Identify your emotions:
Becoming aware of your feelings and admitting them to yourself is the first step to making yourself feel better.

When an emotion arises, do not suppress it: Observe the emotion and let it dissipate. Allow your self to move through the angry feelings and come out of them in a better place.
If we get angry at something, we must allow ourselves to feel this emotion, moving through the feeling and then letting it evaporate. If we allow ourselves to feel it, anger will not necessarily adversely affect us in the future.

Becoming aware of your anger is the first step so that you do not suppress it.

Anger is a very strong and often negatively directed emotion that needs to be identified and acknowledged.

Admit to yourself that you have a feeling of anger. Don’t say: “I am angry” because that gives anger too much power, equating it with who you are. Relegate anger to its rightful place: it is merely a feeling and feelings can be changed: therefore, “I have a feeling of anger” is where you can start.

If you are not aware of how you are feeling or why you are angry in the first place, perhaps these are the steps you need to take care of before you can start transforming anger and bringing yourself to a more positive place.

Getting in touch with how we feel.

As unbelievable as it may sound, sometimes we either don’t know or have forgotten how to be in touch with what we are feeling. Our flesh and blood bodies are what we feel with, so we need to go into our bodies and tune in to how anger feels for us. Notice your language when you describe how you feel. You may find yourself using the word, “think”. Thinking is an intellectual process therefore we realise we are not yet “feeling”.

Exercise for Gauging our Feelings:

• Ensure you are well-grounded, sitting upright and relaxed in a chair, feet firmly rooted to the ground.
• Close your eyes, place your hands on your stomach and take 3 deep breaths from your belly, 3cm below the navel is where our Tantien or energy centre is located.
• Ask yourself in your mind’s eye: Where is the anger in my body?
• How does it feel? Locate where in your body you feel the anger or any other feelings that are connected to it that may arise. Allow yourself to focus on any feeling in your body that arises. Notice where the feeling is. Does it feel like a sharp pain in your chest? A tightening in your throat? Tension in your shoulders or neck? etc. What does it feel like?
• Other feelings may start coming up too. Where in your body are you feeling them and how do they feel?
• Feel how you are feeling. Allow the process to take its course…..

You now know how anger feels.

2.) Understanding the emotion

Once you identify that you have angry feelings, look behind them and ask yourself: “Why? What happened to make me feel angry? I have a feeling of anger now; what happened to make me feel this angry? What did “someone else do to make me” have such a strong and even overpowering reaction like anger?”

Many of us look for the answers to these questions elsewhere other than within ourselves. We find any person we know to take the blame for our anger, be they family, friend or foe. The reality is however, that no-one can do anything to you without your agreement. On some level it is you, yourself who chooses to take on things that happen, for better or for worse. No-one is inside your head and tells you how to react or respond. All this happens within you, and usually you are not even aware of what you are doing to yourself. It is only when adverse consequences affect us that we suddenly realize we are off balance. By opening your eyes, you can become aware and gain control over your responses and reactions and then how you ultimately feel.

As you learn to understand the emotion of anger, you will most probably discover all sorts of lingering emotions. Emotions you’ve been subconsciously holding onto hiding under the anger. As mentioned above, the emotions may be varied, for example, being the result of incidents of loss, rejection, abandonment, abuse, disrespect, not being loved, not feeling adequate etc. A new incident that occurs could serve as a trigger for some deeper feeling/s and fears you’ve been nursing, possibly for a very long time.

Once you identify your trigger/s for sparking off the anger, you can then understand yourself better and appreciate where you are coming from. You will eventually learn to be compassionate with yourself and decide to make changes in your life. Remember things change only if you change them. The power is all in your hands!

You realise how you are feeling and now that you are mindful of what underlies the anger, you have the power to change your life.

3.) Do not blame: Blame helps no-one

Blaming someone else for our anger is not helpful and I can assure you it will not make you feel better.

We may go back to our childhood and blame our parents for the way they brought us up. We get angry at them for falling short of doing the right things for us as our guardians. When we feel this way, it can be helpful to ask our parents about their upbringing. It may help to lessen our anger at them and spark off understanding and feelings of compassion when we discover what they went through as children. They will unwittingly pass on what they were taught until we come to a point where we are so angry that we decide enough is enough, and the chain of generations of destructive family behaviour has to change.

No child is born with a parenting manual, so our parents do the best they can with what they have and their tools often contain what they experienced from their parents.

The exercise of simply talking to our parents can be very powerful and enlightening. In our day and age too many people just get angry instead of communicating in more effective ways. Solutions are often very simple in life. It is we who complicate things for ourselves. So ask your parents about your grandparents and how they felt growing up as children. Some Spiritual Counsellors and Hypnotherapists are able to facilitate “dialogues” for you even if your parents have died or you just can’t bring yourself to speak to them in reality. It is never too late to change your life for the better. You only have to want to do so.

You may say “they should’ve known better!” Perhaps if they had known better, they would’ve done better. No matter what the result, they did the best they could at any point in time, even if you now judge them as being inadequate.

Blame is not restricted to parents. Anger-fuelled blame may be directed at anyone.

Blaming others might temporarily relieve the strength of your feelings but in the long run, it doesn’t help you learn how to deal with the challenge effectively, so life will bring you that challenge again until you overcome this challenge. Unless you let go of the habit of blaming others, anger will be perpetuated as anger-triggering experiences will repeat themselves over and over again until the Universe sees that you are getting your life in order and learning from these lessons.

We are responsible for our own lives and only we can change them. No-one has the power over us to do anything we don’t acquiesce or agree to. We need never be victims again. We decide what we want and what we allow to happen in our lives. We are in control.

4.) Consider having someone guide or help you through these difficult emotions

Talk about anger to acknowledge it and help release it: Some experts say that anger needs to be expressed so we can release it. Not all therapists agree with the “talking it out” methods, however if this is what you choose to do, there are a great variety of talking therapies to choose from.

Some experts say that you can “act it out” by doing things like punching pillows and screaming. Again, other practitioners believe that doing such things only feeds the anger and doesn’t really deal with it properly.

If you need professional guidance, you can find a trustworthy practitioner and there are many good people out there willing and able to help you.

Should you choose to go it alone, you can use your awareness and consciously analyse what happens to you in your life so you give yourself a good, happy life. Don’t forget to check feelings in your body. And remember the famous Law of Attraction:
What you think and feel is what you get.

5.) Practise positive thinking

Ensure you both feel and think positively of what you want and focus on this and fill your thoughts with positive ideas and affirmations. The brain has a limited capacity. If you fill the space with helpful, positive thoughts, there is no place for negativity and no place for anger anymore.

6.) Transmute the anger into something positive

Some experts suggest transmuting our angry energy into something positive. There are a multitude of ways to do this and you need to find what resonates with you. People who become involved in causes or working for charities for example, often direct their strong feelings like anger into other more positive activities. Other people transmute their feelings into art, music, some other creation, or their work. Be careful however that you are transmuting and not suppressing or running away from the problem.

7.) Bach Flower Remedies to support you

Bach Flower Remedies are a form of energy “medicine” and contain the energy of each plant, tree or flower without containing any physical part of them. They work on an energetic level, helping us to raise our vibrations so that we feel better and regain our balance. The following Bach Flower Remedies are particularly useful for dealing with anger:

Holly (US) (UK) – This is the number 1 Bach Flower Remedy to help you deal with feelings of anger. Holly is a soother and comforter for angry feelings

Gentian (US) (UK) – Helps you deal with setbacks and disappointments. It encourages you not to give up on your self

Honeysuckle (US) (UK) – Helps you let go of negativity in the past and stop it affecting your present life

Walnut (US) (UK) – Helps you accommodate to change and positive situations. Walnut is a protector of energies.

Gorse (US) (UK) – Engenders hope when have lost hope

Willow (US) (UK) – For frustration and feeling sorry for yourself when things don’t go your way

Rescue Remedy (US) (UK) – To immediately help you cope with any traumatic situation, both small and large

8.) Balance your base chakra
For spiritually minded people, it could be helpful to look into base/ root chakra balancing and healing exercises to help overcome frequent anger.

Recommended Reading

• “Feel the Fear . . . and Do It Anyway” by Susan Jeffers
• “Don’t Get MAD Get Wise: Why no one ever makes you angry!” by Mike George
• “Ask and It Is Given” by Esther and Jerry Hicks

About the Author
This article was written by Spiritual Counsellor, Janice.

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- Feeling Down: Why do I feel bad?
- Why do we need a sense of belonging?
- Holding hands: Why do romantic couples hold hands?
- Perfectionism: Why do I want to be perfect? and How to over come perfectionism

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Is your life in a rut? Don’t know why you’re feeling bad and think it’s time to do something about it, but don’t know what? This then, is the article for you.

We sometimes go through bad patches in our lives when things just seem to be going wrong. One bad thing follows another, and we find ourselves feeling low, depressed and not knowing how it happened or what we can do about pulling ourselves out of this cycle.

So why *do* I feel bad?

The reasons why you might be feeling bad are many and varied. It may be due to negative experiences you’ve had, relating to your work, relating to your family or social peers… it could be 101 reasons and each of us will have unique ones. Whatever the reason, we can learn how to extricate ourselves from these negative experiences, and prevent them from happening, and we can do this through getting to the core common denominator for the vast majority of bad feelings. This common denominator is linked to The Law of Attraction.

Understanding how the Law of Attraction works can help give us many insights as to what exactly is happening.

What is the Law of Attraction?

In a nutshell, everything in our world is made up of energy and carries a vibrational frequency. Even our thoughts vibrate, radiate signals and attract back the signals that are of the same vibration. What I’m talking about here, is the famous “Law of Attraction”.

The equation is a simple one: Like attracts like.

If you set yourself to one vibration, that’s the energy you will attract back.

It’s like tuning a radio. If you set it to a music channel, you’ll get music vibrating back to you. If you set it to the news, you’ll get the news projecting back at you. It’s the same with our thoughts, feelings, behaviours and life experiences.

So, if you are setting yourself to a “channel” that’s constantly thinking about how bad life has been to you and what terrible things have happened to you, you are vibrating on these “frequencies of lack” and “frequencies of negative experiences”, and so these things will be attracted back to you. You get what you give.

Through exposure to life experiences, some people hold onto negative beliefs that keep them locked into a negative vibrational pattern. Because they are sending out these negative signals, they are attracting into their lives people and experiences that match this same negative vibration. They become stuck in a certain way of being, and they are not happy, no matter how hard they try. Negative ideas, thoughts and feelings = negative life experiences and feelings.

Because the Law of Attraction brings back to you what you send out, it’s no wonder you keep yourself in a rut, attracting one bad experience after another. If you keep thinking how wretched you are, the Law of Attraction will match this vibration and you’ll continue feeling bad.

The Law of Attraction is backed up by research studies in psychology (e.g. Berkowitz 1990) which have proven that our memories are stored in interconnected networks of associated ideas, images, and feelings. Once a negative feeling or thought occurs, it activates a host of related negative memories, feelings, and behaviours.

How can I make the Law of Attraction work in my favour?

1.) Become aware of thoughts that are making you feel bad

The process of getting awareness starts with gauging how we feel exactly, and trying to describe this feeling. Is this bad feeling disappointment? Anger? Fear? Sadness? Anxiety? Loneliness? Hopelessness? Discouragement? Insecurity? Lack of self-love? Pessimism? Our feelings are very good gauges because they can be very strong and give us powerful messages about aspects of our life.

The next step is trying to figure out the root cause behind the feeling. Behind every bad feeling, is some form of negative thought. Where do these negative thoughts come from? A lot of the time they come from what people have told you or “done to you” in the past. Remember, with freedom of choice, we all, on some level allow things into uor lives, be it consciously or not. Things are usually not “done to us” without our permission. This is why living with awareness is so important. You gain the advantage of making conscious choices in your life and therefore feel more in control of what’s happening to you.

Often, people will try to convince you about the truth of their beliefs, even if their belief is rooted in hopelessness or negativity. Are such beliefs true? What can be defined as truth? Is there such a thing?

The only reason why anything manifests into a physical, definable “truth” for one person is because they accept it as truth. Someone else’s belief need not be yours, and you don’t have to make it your reality. You can choose whether you want to accept it or not.

Sometimes things were said to us in the past and in our minds we somehow chose to accept these words despite their not serving us well, and desipite them only functioning to bring us down. Someone in the past may have called you “stupid” or “shy” or “a loser” etc, and all through your life you take on this word and believe it, limiting yourself and feeling bad at the same time. We don’t even realise that we have accepted these so-called “truths” that someone else made up. We just accept them as true and live with the consequences of feeling bad.

Things that were “done to us” in the past, whether it was some form of rejection or exclusion, can also form beliefs in our minds about ourselves.

Often these beliefs are inaccurate, untrue, limiting, and not at all beneficial.

We can, however become conscious of the process of why we feel bad.

The point of becoming aware of where your bad feeling comes from is not to apportion blame. The belief can often be tracked to a certain event which is usually related to a person or set of people, but apportioning blame and not taking responsibility are not helpful and won’t improve your feeling. If all you do is blame others for your misfortunes, you’ll still be vibrating on a level of lack and negativity, so of course you can’t feel good.

However, the act of identifying what happened to make you feel bad is of utmost importance. Because it’s the only way you can break the cycle of negativity, which is perpetuated by lack of awareness. Many people are not aware of how they are living their lives and they go through life on automatic pilot, feeling that they have no control over what happens to them. They follow habits and behaviours that don’t make them feel happy, and their lives are made unhappy by their limiting beliefs that they have unwittingly just accepted, not even realising they’ve done so. Unhelpful patterns might be repeated time and time again, and life becomes unbearable.

Becoming aware or conscious is imperative to break this chain and realise that things don’t just “happen” to us. It is we ourselves who often create many of our life experiences with our own thought processes, for better or for worse. We can become victims of circumstance because we have no awareness. As we become aware, we can look at why we feel as we do and look towards ways of rectifying the situation.

Becoming conscious of your feelings is an important step to helping yourself change feeling bad into feeling good.

2.) Choose your thoughts and beliefs carefully

If there is something you want to change in your life to feel better, you can’t keep thinking about how miserable you are, because by the Law of Attraction, this will perpetuate feeling bad.

Change your thoughts; change the experiences you attract to yourself.

We all have the freedom of choice and any belief or thought that we created can be changed.

If your thoughts are negative, choose thoughts that make you feel happy so your life starts to feel substantially better.

We want to now focus on changing our thinking patterns positively and drawing to ourselves good life experiences.

If your thoughts are vibrating on a level that induces well-being, you’ll gauge your feelings as anything like hopefulness, optimism, contentment, positive expectation, happiness or joy amongst others.

Remember: That which is like unto itself is drawn.(Quoted from The Teachings of Abraham)
Think good thoughts and you’ll feel good.

It is everyone’s right to feel good. It actually is our natural state of being. We need to align our thoughts of what we want with the appropriate vibration so that the two are in total harmony. Let’s do it now!

Exercise for Helping you attract positive thoughts to attract positivity into your life:

The Feeling Good Technique

Give yourself time to make yourself aware of your feeling, and figure out the cause. Now you are ready to start the Feeling Good Technique.

Set aside 15-20 minutes to do this. Ensure you’ll not be disturbed. Turn off your phone. Have a blank sheet of paper and a pen handy.

(i.) Close your eyes briefly and without dwelling on it, bring your attention to what happened to make you feel bad.

(ii.) Now tell yourself exactly what you DON’T want anymore.

e.g. I don’t want to feel lonely ; I don’t want to feel like a failure ; I don’t want to feel ugly, etc

(iii.) Now that you are clear on what you don’t want, tell yourself what you DO want.

e.g. I feel depressed, and I want to feel happy

I feel like a loser and I want to feel I’m successful

I feel ugly and fat and I want to feel beautiful and slim

I feel stupid and I want to feel capable

I feel no-one respects me, and I want to feel respected

I feel no-one loves me, and I want to feel loved

I feel anxious and afraid and I want to feel confident and at ease

Now take only the positive bit of these thoughts. In large letters, write down what you DO want: e.g. I WANT TO FEEL SUCCESSFUL

(iv.) Now write a statement to help back up your confidence so that you feel able to achieve this goal.

For example, if your goal was: I WANT TO BE SUCCESSFUL, a statement that can back this up would be: “Others like me can succeed, so I have hope that I too can be successful.” , or “I feel proud I’m taking my first steps to change my life. I am becoming more aware and feel more in control of my life”, or “I am already successful at [insert something you know you are successful at]”,

The statement should be positive enough to make you feel better about yourself. If you don’t feel better, discard the statement and think of another one that is more powerful and that you feel comfortable with.

When you write your powerful, affirming statement, stay with it for 17 seconds, for the positive feeling to sink in. Then move on to another positive statement.

Write a list of 10 such statements that reinforce the fact that it is within your grasp to shift your feeling towards your goal and so help connect you with that positive feeling.

The idea is to feel better with each statement and to raise your vibrations so that you feel closer and closer to what you want to achieve, until you do reach your desire.

This technique can be repeated as many times as you wish, on any negative feeling you have until you find yourself raising your vibrations and achieving a feeling of joy.

You may find it helpful to keep your list and have a look at it every time you find these specific negative thoughts creeping in to remind you of all the positive thoughts you need to be thinking instead.

3.) Use Young Living Essential Oils to support your journey

Some great Young Living Oils which can help pick you up with the power of aromatherapy are Joy Oil by Young Living, Valor Essential Oil, and Peace & Calming Essential Oil. These links are for US visitors. Send me an email if you’re interested in getting these in the UK.

4.) Use Bach Flower Remedies to support your journey

Bach Flower Remedies are a good adjunct to positive thinking. They may make it easier for you to hold on to positivity and let go of negativity.

Depending on the type of negativity you feel, a different specific Bach flower would be beneficial. Some examples of the most common ones linked to negativity are:

Willow (US) (UK) – This is helpful if your negativity is linked to feeling hard done by, feeling life isn’t fair and if you feel sorry for yourself.

Mimulus (US) (UK) –This can aid if your negativity is linked mostly to known fears, and can support you as you overcome them.

Aspen (US) (UK) – Aspen helps if you feel afraid but don’t know of what exactly

Larch (US) (UK) – Larch is helpful if you feel your negativity is rooted in a lack of confidence. Larch helps in boosting confidence

Rock Water (US) (UK) – Rock water is appropriate if you tend to be hard on yourself and perfectionistic

Hornbeam (US) (UK) – Hornbeam helps you get out of that “Monday morning feeling” when you feel its hard to get out of bed and get going

Gentian (US) (UK) – Gentian helps you cope with setbacks and keeps up your spirits

Gorse (US) (UK) – When you have lost hope, Gorse helps you feel hopeful again

Walnut (US) (UK) – Walnut helps you adjust to change

Sweet Chestnut (US) (UK) – for healing the “dark night of the soul” feeling of total despair

Red Chestnut (US) (UK) – Helps if you’re worrying about others excessively

White Chestnut (US) (UK) – Helps settle thoughts that go round and round in your head

Mustard (US) (UK) – Helps dissolve sudden black moods that seem to fall upon you as if from no-where

Pine (US) (UK) – Helps you cope with guilty feelings

Water Violet (US) (UK) – Helps you snap out of feeling like you don’t want to be amongst people

Beech (US) (UK) – Suitable if you’re feeling hypercritical of yourself and others.

For those who feel bad but wonder why they don’t *really* want to change…
Sometimes, in spite of knowing we’re attracting negativity towards us, and we feel bad, we resist wanting to change. Why? Usually this is because there is some secondary gain. Feeling down serves a purpose, whether it’s making others feel sorry for us which we enjoy, or whether it gives us attention, or even it could just make us feel *something*, and we are grateful for this. A lot of reasons could be behind a secondary gain. They are not always logical.

The only way to overcome secondary gains is to weigh up the benefits received vs the disadvantages of maintaining negativity, and hopefully you’ll find that disadvantages of negativity are stronger than their benefits, so you can let them go. As an exercise, try and pick holes in every benefit of maintaining negativity. Holes are really easy to find in arguments supporting damaging behaviour.

Secondary gains are part of the reason why not everyone can be helped by a therapist. The therapist’s role is to help you help yoruself, and if you choose to hold onto negative beahviours, it is your choice. You afterall are your own healer and the practitioner is a catalyst to your healing. You always have ultimate control.

By activating the Law of Attraction we choose what we want out of life, and hopefully we choose to make our lives as enjoyable and happy as possible.

About the Author
This article was written by Spiritual Counsellor, Janice, and was edited by Li-Or

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Related articles
See other articles in the psychology category including:
- Why do I get angry? And how do I deal with anger?
- Why do I have high or low social status?
- Why do we need a sense of belonging?
- Perfectionism: Why do I want to be perfect? and How to over come perfectionism
- Why do I like the music that I like?

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Every effort has been made to ensure that the information contained in this article is accurate. However the information contained in this article is for educational purposes only. Suggestions contained in this article are not intended as a substitute for consultation with a health professional. All matters regarding health and supplementation require medical supervision and careful examination of contraindications. The author does not accept responsibility for the use of this information, nor shall the author be liable for any loss, injury or damage allegedly arising from any information or suggestions in this article.